18 Signs youre talking to a f*ckboy

18 Signs youre talking to a f*ckboy

Reading Time: 7 minutes

It’s cuffing season and the fuckboys are out there on the prowl, stay alert my friends! Summer is over, and it’s getting chilly. The older I get, the more guys want to secure something more concrete so their family stops judging and because they realized they should probably think about settling down. However, just because the fuck boy is getting older does not mean he has outgrown his trash tendencies. Only intense introspection, self-awareness, and therapy can help men overcome this social conditioning to be trash. (see Men are trash podcast episode )

We’ve all been there talking to one of these subspecies, you might even be one (yes, this can be genderless). Now I am older, wiser, and have gone through my shares of f*ckboys and honestly, I’ve been one. As exploradoras, we dream that one day we might meet future bae in our travels I know I catch myself daydreaming this from time to time, then come back to a reality check.

Dating has gotten even harder with the multiple apps out there. Gone are the days that your friends set you up, you looked over and bumped in casually into the future love of your life, that somehow just magically they appeared. Those of you who have found love like this, good for you, you’re one in a million, don’t get our hopes up.

Spoiler alert: the movies lied to us, your friend’s stories are anecdotal and doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen, and yes maybe I am just bitter.

The truth is dating in your 20’s exposes you to a lot of trash. I like to think of it as a series of bad job interviews, except this is unpaid, sometimes you take the bait only to find out your benefits suck, and all the shiny perks are not worth it. My approach is just leaving altogether to clear up what it is I want.

I like to think that each encounter with a man that is not my match is somehow bringing me closer to my ideal future bae. (See my letter to future bae). Meanwhile, I am learning lessons, what I want, what I don’t want, but most of all the RED FLAGS to the subspecies of men that I society has deemed as fuck boys in my book the sewage of the trash men.

here are my telltale signs

1. Tries to slide in your DMs telling you you’re beautiful like you don’t already know
– In the age of the digital men like to think it’s entirely not creepy to slid into someone’s DMs and comment on their appearance. NO, come on!


2. Texts you “wyd
Really? You can’t even be bothered to write out a whole phrase? Even more so think of a unique question. “What was the last thing you ate today?” this might suffice. “What are your thoughts on {Anything not sexual and shows me you can read}?”. Also add in “you up?”.

3. Calls you without even asking if it’s okay!
While this might make some women happy and think “WOW HE CALLED”actually using your voice and upgrading from a text. This is a big no-no for me, I am busy, and I am a type A person. I also need to mentally prepare myself to talk on the phone with someone. Speaking on the phone means you have my undivided attention and only reserved for family & very very close friends in an emergency. If not a “hey are you free to chat on the phone?” text prior will do OR let’s set a time to do so. Send me a voice note, If you’re too lazy to text and I would appreciate it more so, we can schedule something later. Texts are meant not to be answered right away, that’s totally fine. This shows me you respect my time and are organized with your own. DO NOT JUST CALL out of the blue, how dare you?!

4. Doesn’t set a fixed time/day for a date & Asks to hang out last minute
Back to the previous point! I schedule out my days to accomplish maximum productivity (see life hacks for people with ADHD). I live by my schedule, I am a grown-up, I no longer have time to be sitting around waiting to see if you have some time to meet me and get to know me. I hope you do too, therefore let’s put something on a calendar. Bonus points if you send a google calendar invite. If not, please move on to ruin someone else’s day.

5. Has a picture of himself with a puppy that isn’t even his
This seems harmless, right? How cute a PUPPY! Wrong he knows this is ultimate female swipe right bait. You are being lured. Yes, even if you are a cat person, there is something about a man and a furry little animal that is adorable. Stay alert!

6. He is posing shirtless in a picture exposing chiseled abs with no face

I mean this goes with #5, let’s be real. You want to lick the abs, and the truth is that’s probably all he wants and far from any potential connection. He might as well put in his bio “hello looking to get laid, this is what I’m working with.” Hey if you’re DTF, go for it, but know there isn’t much more potential here. Also no face, suspicious are these even his abs hmm?

7. He has one ear pierced and a man bun.
He’s either a hipster or thinks he is Maluma. We all love Maluma Baby, but let’s be real he probably isn’t going to be the love of your life. If he’s a hipster – I mean unless that’s your thing – pass. If you’re at least gonna go for the man bun look, make sure he is conditioning and detangling his hair correctly! It will become your problem soon.


8. Calls women “Crazy.
Oh, this is a significant red flag! The way he talks about other women, women in his past, is the way he’s going to talk about you. Why is he calling women crazy? What was the context? What did he do to drive this woman into going “crazy”? Oh, she texted too much – hmm maybe you ghosted or didn’t give clear contexts and are a horrible communicator. This may be a sign of some bigotry and unresolved issues he may have. Stay far away.

9. Relies on you for emotional labor
Okay, he’s trying to sort his life out good for him, but somehow he comes to you everytime he needs some sort of emotional picks me up. Reminder you are not free therapy, this is an unfair burden to place on someone. Some professionals make a living off this, and if he needs help, there are low-cost resources. You are not responsible for building up a man, and you are not free therapy. RUN AWAY and set boundaries with everyone (see our episode on setting boundaries)

10. Sends you an unsolicited d*ck pic
Just no, look you can be into this but did you request this? We’re you just saying “hey how is your day” at work and then BAM. Also, let’s dissect even further. Is this even worth it? Did he even try to get a decent angle? No – Move on girl!


11. Makes little eye contact
This is just weird! Eye contact shows genuine interest, what is he hiding? DUMP HIM!

12. Shows up to your date looking like a slob.
Yes, we should not judge a book by its cover. Let’s be real though you put in some effort, be it makeup, picking out an outfit. Homeboy can’t even get a decent outfit or TRY to look good. Either he doesn’t care, or he is too much of a project. Either case, move on not worth the labor.

13. Cannot carry a stimulating conversation.
Back to point #1, I mean maybe put him in the temp bae piles if you’re not looking for anything serious. Yet even then, the older I get, the less I seem to be able to also be around someone who doesn’t provoke some type of stimulating conversation. Gone are the days all you needed was a pretty face and some chiseled abs.

14. Doesn’t pick out a decent place to meet up
He is a grown up! Therefore you should know of some grown-up things to do. I like to travel and adventure around, so if a guy cannot use yelp or hasn’t even attempted to explore his surroundings enough to have 3 recommended places off the top of his head. No thank you.

15. Has no pictures of friends, women, and or family on his social media.
This is hugely suspect. Personally, I prefer to date men with very little knowledge of social media (for obvious reasons), but he does, and there are no pictures of anyone else. Hmm, interesting, does he have no friends, no family, no women in his life?

16. The only women in his photographs are provocatively dressed or partying on his social media
You might think it’s okay that he has no women, but really this is concerning. Is he not capable of female friendship? Why is that? Yet, if he has women that are incredibly provocative in his pictures is this his party crew? Is he actually still a man-child that is 22 and blacking out on weekends. Would have been great back when I was 22, but I’m 72 inside now, pass.

17. He calls you baby …
I’m sorry what? Do we even know each other that well, you’re calling me Babe/Baby or some variation of a cute nickname reserved for months later of dating that I’ve decided you can stay in my life? No thank you, you apparently think I’m going to melt at this and spread eagle. Pass.

18. He literally told you he isn’t looking for something serious.
I mean honey, believe people the first time when they show you who they are. Hey if you are on the same page, go for it have fun, but never go into any form of relationship thinking you are going to change the other person’s mind.


I could literally write a novel on the f*ckboy-series of my life, and honestly probably will one day. I know the game, I’ve played the game, I’m tired of the game – in conclusion, I’m too old for this ish.

Stay alert this cuffing season!

What are some other signs you’re talking to a fuckboy you would add? Let me know if the comments below and maybe we’ll just have to make a version 2.

Subsequently, if you’re looking for someone noncommittal for a short term, as I like to dub “Temp-Bae,” which you know you will not be emotionally attached to and have 0 respect for so totally okay for a bang this list will also apply.

(you should prob also go to therapy to work out your issues with intimacy and being emotionally unavailable *says to self in mirror*)