I’m going to be real, this is the heaviest I’ve ever been. The weird thing is I don’t hate myself – when I was 120 lbs I used to think I was the fattest person ever. The only other time I was at my heaviest, I would refuse to take pictures and then resorted to the poor college kid diet and starvation. I used to think I’d start my blog and sharing my adventures when I got back to my normal weight but the truth is this body now is a result of taking control of my mental health in the last two years. I used to think no one would want to see pictures of a chubby girl traveling, I used to avoid ever sharing my travel pictures because I was in them, although I still cringe sometimes when I share pictures of myself because I just hate pictures of myself I remember that this is no longer about me. It is about making sure that others and myself know that we can, that this too is a part of the journey.
I’ve gained over 60 lbs but I’m alive and had an appetite to eat one too many cheeseburgers (Y’all I cannot resist). I’m not saying don’t love your curves, but for me, I’m realizing now that I’m at a good place and it’s time to take care of my body. The last couple of weeks I’ve finally gotten the energy to get back into running and realizing it’s making me happy. There was a time not so long ago I couldn’t even get out of bed to feed myself and taking antidepressants may have caused a bit of weight gain but my hormones are balanced and I’m ready to work on my body to look like how I feel …. and Men be afraid to approach me cause I’m low key offended when trash men think they can talk to me.
My entire life if always thought I was disgusting, I look back at pictures when I was a teenager and 116 lbs running track and that girl used to think she was fat and gross and pic at her body. Fast forward to me know who is actually medically overweight but now I don’t carry that hatred in my heart for myself. I used to starve myself, I used to
#Sorrynotsorry in advance if you don’t agree this is just my personal experience and my goal is to get fit and healthy cause now I’m chubs and def not healthy for sure but regardless I am me and I love me. The body positivity movement has me for once not hating myself, not hiding but rather embracing where I am now. At times, I have used this as an excuse to be like I LOVE MY BODY and cave into bingeing, eating that dessert, and extra cheese I shouldn’t have anyway because I am hurting my body. This then justifying it in my life then has become another problem and added medical issues I have ignored.
We are human and the key is to be okay with doing mistakes, to be forgiving to ourselves and our bodies. Through it all still loving myself regardless that I am not at my personal best. That being said I recognize that I am not, I barely exercise and my diet is not healthy. I am thankful for this body that has been with me and has allowed me to live, that has survived handling depression, hormonal issues, and still here. Now it’s my turn to thank it by taking care of it.
So this is me publicly swearing to myself not that I’m going to lose weight or aim to be thin but that I’m going to start taking care of my body and not taking it for granted. I aim to get strong and be the best version of myself mentally and physically. That overall I am aiming to change my lifestyle to enjoy exercise and healthy eating habits as a form of self-care and love.
So what are your thoughts?